9: "The Epic Adventures of Paddy McSeamus"

So, this one's a little weird, but it was a lot of fun while it lasted.  It's the time my roommates and I stole a gnome from our friends, and it's Number 9 on the countdown.

The gnome has a name: Paddy McSeamus, and he resided in the apartment of my friends Allison, Julie, Sarah, and Laura, and was a mascot of sorts for their group of friends.

The story begins early in sophomore year when we wake up to find that our house and front lawn had been covered in toilet paper as a prank.

Apparently, my roommates figured out it was their female friends and concocted a plan to get their revenge.  They went over to their apartment for dinner one night, and when everybody was in another room, one of the guys stole Paddy and ran out with him.

That's when we took this wonderful picture of Paddy:

The girls were pissed off and tried a number of times to get Paddy back.  The best story is quite elaborate, so I'll try to make sense of it here.

Ben Trout, a friend of my roommates, was riding home with all of us from somewhere one night.  He lived in the dorms and we were dropping him off, and he asked if we could drop him off without stopping the car.  He wanted to see if he could successfully jump out of a moving car.  So, Luke - who was driving - slowed down a bit in front of the dorm and Ben jumped out successfully.  At the time, we laughed and thought nothing of it, but Ben had a plan in place and was merely practicing.

At an intramural soccer game a week or two later, we were surprised to see that some of our female friends (the enemies in the Paddy McSeamus War, which was very much gender-biased) showed up to watch us.  But then they left for awhile, only to come back again for a second at the end.

When we got home, I noticed that the front door was deadbolted, and not locked by the door knob as it usually was.  I was immediately suspicious, and went to check my bedroom, where we were hiding Paddy.  He was gone.  I screamed for Luke, and told him what happened, except he had already been sent a ransom message from Ben Trout asking for a book he had never read, candy, and one other thing I can't remember.  

But how did Ben get Paddy?

Apparently, Ben was hired by the girls to help them break into our house.  They came to the soccer game only to rummage through our bags for the key.  They broke in, and took Paddy.  On the way back after they returned the key, Ben was sitting in the back of the car with Paddy and - as he had practiced before - jumped out of the car with the gnome.

It was then that Ben Trout sent Allison and Luke the same message, and decided that whoever brought him what he wanted first would get Paddy back.  

Back at the house, the next words spoken were by me: "I'll drive." 

Luke and I went to CVS, picked up what Ben asked for, and drove to his dorm, where - after being chased through campus - he was waiting with Allison.  When Luke showed him the bag of goods - which the girls refused to get - he grabbed Paddy out of the bushes.  Luke tossed the bag over Allison to Ben, who tossed Paddy to Luke.  

Luke started running down the street, as Allison chased him.  I grabbed my car, drove to where he was, and he jumped in.  We went home.  Shortly thereafter, Loui, Katie Grand, and Allison showed up at our front door.  Paddy was in the living room.  I yelled up the stairs for Luke to come down before letting them in, and had Peter lock Paddy in his room.

Luke came down, saw them, and just turned off the lights.  They were pissed.  We let them in eventually, and after Katie gave me a death stare for a few minutes, Luke and I went to bed, leaving them alone, knowing Paddy was safe.  

It took us a few days to realize that our silverware had gone missing that night.

In the long run, we returned Paddy and it all died down.  But it was fun, and we got these pictures out of it: